OT- this one's funny!

[Don Ferrette]

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a rather wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"

The blonde said "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage.

The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"

The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats.

Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.

"And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari." :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

 

[waltr]

:lol: :lol: :lol:

I didn't expect that.

It is a good one.

My sister sent me this one today:

Subject: Never cough in a restaurant in the South

Two hillbillies walk into a bar. While having a shot

of whiskey,

they talk about their moonshine operation. Suddenly,

a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich,

begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes

apparent that she is in real distress.

One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, "Kin ya

swallar?" The woman shakes her head no. "Kin ya

breathe?" The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her

head no.

The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up the

back of her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly

gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue. The

woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and

the obstruction flies out of her mouth.

As she begins to breathe again, the hillbilly walks

slowly back to the bar. His partner says, "Ya know,

I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick

Maneuver', but I ain't never seed nobody do it!"

 

[Preston_Hall]

Oldies but goodies.

A little girl in West Virginia wants to go to the fair and so shes asks her daddy if she can go. Her dad said, " If you want to go you will have to....

Whoops, this is a public forum.

What's the difference between Canadians and canoes? Canadians don't tip!!!!!!

How you like that Nick? :huh: :lol:

Now Nick will have some redneck/sheep story for you guys.

 

[Ron Jefferson]

How bout this tip... Hillary for Pres. Bet cha it's going to happen... LOL

RJ.

 

[Ron Olson]

Subject: Top Ten Football Facts

1) What does the average Arkansas player get on his SATs?

........Drool.

(2) What do you get when you put 32 West Virginia cheerleaders in one room?

.........A full set of teeth.

(3) How do you get a Nebraska cheerleader into your dorm room?

........Grease her hips and push.

(4) How do you get a Florida State graduate off your porch?

........Pay him for the pizza.

(5) How do you know if an Alabama football player has a girlfriend?

.........There is tobacco spit on both sides of his pickup.

(6) Why is the Kentucky football team like a possum?

.....Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.

(7) What are the longest three years of a Miami ( Fla ) football player's life?

..........His freshman year.

(8) How many Oklahoma freshmen does it take to change a light bulb?

..........None. That's a sophomore course.

(9) Where was O. J. headed in the white Bronco?

............ Durham , North Carolina . He knew that the police would never look at Duke for a Heisman Trophy winner.

AND FINALLY

(10) Why did Tennessee choose orange as their team color?

.........You can wear it to the game on Saturday, hunting on Sunday, and picking up trash along the highways the rest of the week.

 

[waltr]

How bout this tip... Hillary for Pres. Bet cha it's going to happen... LOL

RJ.

NO WAY!

Come on Ron.

Our economy already has enough problems.

Plus,she can't control her own personal life.

Never mind a whole country.

 

[john22469]

A 85-year-old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The

Doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a

Semen sample tomorrow." The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the

Doctor's' office and gave him the jar which was as clean and empty as on

The previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the man explained: "Well, doc, it's

Like this - First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with

My left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried

With her right hand, then her left and still nothing. She tried with her

Mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, and still nothing. We

Even called up Arleen, the lady next door, and she tried too, first with both

Hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees,

But still nothing. "The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbour!!?"

The old man replied, "Yep. None of us could get the jar open."

 

[MarkScott]

Subject: Top Ten Football Facts

(6) Why is the Kentucky football team like a possum?

.....Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.

How true, how true :lol: :lol: :lol:

Last week, there was a scare at the UK football field, some unknown white substance was on the playing field. After the FBI, ATF, and Hazmat teams were called in, they finally figured it out.. It was the goal line paint

GO BLUE

 

[DougSchultz]

A blone had her car damaged in a hail storm. She took it in to the body shop for an insurance estimate and the body man thought he'd mess with her a little.

He looked the car over carefully and told her, "there's no since turning this in on insurance and raising your rates. All you need to do is go home and blow in the tail pipe and these hail dents will pop right out."

She takes the car home and is in the driveway on her hands and knees blowing in the tail pipe when her twin sister pulls up. Her twin sister hops out of her car and asks what is going on. Her sister replies"the guy at the body shop told me I could get the dents out by blowing in the tail pipe."

The other sister just starts laughing and says'You dummy you have to roll the windows up first"

 

[Nigtmare]

Oldies but goodies.

A little girl in West Virginia wants to go to the fair and so shes asks her daddy if she can go. Her dad said, " If you want to go you will have to....

Whoops, this is a public forum.

What's the difference between Canadians and canoes? Canadians don't tip!!!!!!

How you like that Nick? :huh: :lol:

Now Nick will have some redneck/sheep story for you guys.

L.M.A.O :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

I'll gets you for that <_<

By the way Preston.Greeks don't talk about there lovers :lol: :lol: :lol: so...... leave my sheep alone :angry: