OT: afternoon humor

[piper_chuck]

A nun hails a cab...

She gets into the cab, and

notices that the handsome cab driver won't stop

staring at her. She asks him why he is staring.

He replies: "I have a question to ask you but I don't

want to offend you."

She answers, " My son, you cannot offend me. When

you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I

have, you get a chance to see and hear just about

everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could

say or ask that I would find offensive."

"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss

me."

She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about

that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be

Catholic."

The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm

single and Catholic!"

"OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley."

The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would

make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the

road, the cab driver starts crying.

"My dear child," said the nun, why are you crying?"

"Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must

confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."

The nun says, "That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm

going to a costume party."

Two Americans

Two Americans decide to open a bungee-jumping business in Mexico.

They set up on the square of a small village. Bob jumps, bounces at the end of the cord, and flies back up by the platform. Jeff isn't able to catch his friend, but he notices he has a few cuts and scratches.

Bob falls again, bounces, and comes back up. This time, he is bruised and bleeding. Again, Jeff misses him. The third time it happens, Bob comes back pretty messed up - he's got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious. Luckily, Jeff finally catches him and says, "Holy cow, what happened? Was the cord too long?"

Bob looks confused and says, "No, the cord was fine... but what the heck is a piñata?"

 

[piper_chuck]

Found one more, a blonde joke:

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer.

She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Mercedes Benz SL 500. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank. She has the title, and everything checks out.

The bank agrees to accept the car collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $110,000 Benz as collateral against a $5,000 loan.

An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Benz into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the blonde returns. She repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.

The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

The blonde replies, "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"

 

[Foolwitools]

oh,oh............ Blond jokes.......... I can't resist..........................

Fall is comming. There will soon be an increase in the amount of Blondes that break legs and arms while raking leaves.

They keep falling out of the tree...............

Why don't birth control pills work well for Blondes??

The pills fall out when they stand up..............

Sorry, I couldn't help myself.........

 

[david condon]

A bloke and his wife were lying in bed after a night of passion when the bloke let off a ripper of a fart and yelled out 4 points,his wife asked what he was doing and he replied he was playing fart football.His wife decided to get involved, she ripped one off and hollered 4 points where even

The two of them went fart for fart untill the score was locked at 16 all.The bloke,desperate not to be beaten at fart football by a sheila, squeezed and strained for five minutes to summon one last match winning fart,but pushed to hard and shat out a stinky turd instead.

The misses said what was that, the bloke said thats half time,we have to switch sides now